DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.
talkin to ur crush like
i hope iphone 6 is a flip phone
It’s 2 iPhones connected with a hinge and when you close it both screens smack together and crack.
losing everything but weight
some muggleborn like “i want to be an astronaut when i grow up!”
wizard kids like “wtf is an astronaut”
"oh you know…the people who go to the moon"
implying that magical children would know literally nothing outside of the wizarding world
what the fuck ash
My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
a woman has twins and gives them up for adoption
one of them goes to a family in egypt and is named amal the other goes to a family in spain they name him juan
years later juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. upon receiving the picture she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of amal
he responds “theyre twins if youve seen juan youve seen amal”
I DONT GET IT????
IF YOU KISS MY COLLARBONES OR MY NECK I AM YOURS
At the end of the year I want to go camping, I wanna get a group of people together, my 2 besties will be in Sydney, I’ll have my Ps, boyfriends brother can come with his misses, I’ll invite the people I know wouldn’t bitch and moan about being outside basically. It’ll be summer so it won’t be cold, but I’m talking like tent pitching, open fire camping, not cabins or anything like that.
Also meant to spend a weekend down at the snow next month.
And maybe rent a beach house for a week of summer since well all be on break.
Becoming an adult, doing adult things, I don’t like it D8